Daily musings - arranged marriage

Arranged marriage!!

I wasn't looking for it. Had no plans, wasn't even seeking it. I was still stuck in my past. What did I do? Where did I go wrong? How should I fix all this? What if he doesn't want to fix things? There was so much going on in my mind already that I saw this matrimonial meeting that was being set up by my patents as a pain in the ass. Something I wanted to avoid at all cost.

 

"I am not interested in an arrange marriage. I will never go for one," I told myself. How can I be with someone I meet for maybe two or three times. The whole concept is bulshit. That's why marriages don't work. And that's how I argued with myself. Telling every iota of my brain that an arrange marriage isn't for me. But why are my parents not understanding? Why are they being so adamant on this guy?

 

Suddenly my mom came into my room and asked me to have a look at the guy's profile. I was stunned for a second. I felt as if she could read my mind. Whatever thoughts were cooking in my head, she could see through everything. I hesitated. Tried to buy some time to avoid the discussion on whether I will meet him or not. Work was always my excuse, so this time too I told her that I have an article to finish. "There is a deadline Maa, you don't understand. I have to finish," I told her. She tried to talk me out of it by giving her own reasons. "It will take just five minutes," she said. "But what about the long and arduous discussions that will follow when I say no," I thought to myself. I knew I had to avoid it at any cost. So I threw a fit, saying, "My boss doesn't care if I agree to this match or not, he cares only about this article and I'll get fired if I don't submit." I kept blabbering about something or the other work related issue till she gave up and left my room saying, "We will take this up tomorrow. Finish everything that you have to do. I won't take any of your excuses tomorrow."

 

I have to admit, I was majorly relieved. A small smile passed through my face. It was like winning a small battle. At least for now. I knew this happiness was temporary, and that I will have to face all this again tomorrow. But for now I had won and that gave me a strange sense of confidence that I will be able to fix things after all. I was happy with that thought.

Rapes, chowmein and hormonal imbalance

This is a year old article that I wrote for The Times of India, but even after a year, nothing seems to have changed. In fact, things seems to be getting worse with each passing year... Here it is again:

pic credit: The Hindu

Who'd believe that a stone's throw away from India's capital, the 'law' takes a medieval turn and councils preside over how to control everything - from hormones to whom to have a conversation with - about their young adults? The khap panchayat doesn't just dispense what it believes to be justice, it loves to close a case with the final, flamboyant verdict, that all shall pay heed to (for reasons more often about incredulity than subservience, however). After all, they are the guardians of morality and have been functioning ever since Adam and Eve reproduced without marrying.
After lying low for some time, the khap sprung back into action recently, after a series of 19 rapes happened within 30 days in Haryana. They launched a new study to understand the sudden rush of testosterone in the men of Haryana. The results left people gasping. Here are the top five 'findings' from that study:

Sab chowmein ka kiya dhara hai
The study revealed that fast food, especially burgers and chowmein, was wreaking havoc with the brains of men. Thua khap panchayat leader Jitender Chhatar explained, "Chowmein leads to hormonal imbalance, evoking an urge to indulge in acts such as rape and sex. You also know the impact of chowmein, which is a spicy food, on our body. Hence, our elders too advised to eat light and nutritious food." Now, Mr Chhatar could have gotten away with it, if he had, instead of saying chowmein increases sex drive, said it increases calories, but sex sells na, so why talk calories? So, if junk food consumption stops, so will the rapes.

Bachpan ki pakki shaadi
"If consensual sex with a 16-year-old is not rape, why can't girls be married at 16?" asked Sube Singh Samain, spokesman of the Sarva Khap Jat Panchayat. He went on to explain his logic. "I believe this is happening because our youth is being wrongly influenced by cinema and TV. I think that girls should be married at the age of 16, so that they have their husbands for their sexual needs, and don't need to go elsewhere. This way, rapes will not occur," said Singh. Notice that nowhere is the man responsible for raping a woman - it is television or movies. The point being made by Sube is that boys and girls should be married by the time they're 16, so that they don't stray, and that will decrease rape, because, "As soon as children attain puberty, it is natural for them to have sexual desires, but when these are not fulfilled, they stray. So, there should not be any minimum age for marriage."

And the thoughtful khaps found support in former Haryana CM Om Prakash Chautala. He said that in the Mughal era, people used to marry their girls to save them from atrocities by the rulers, and currently, a similar situation was arising in the state. "I completely support the khap panchayat's decision. It is a good way to protect women," Chautala said. We'd like to believe that he only backtracked later because he was made to see the folly of his ways and not because of the hue and cry, but that's just wishful thinking.

Yeh shaadi nahi barbaadi hai
The Hindu Marriage Act is flawed. Period. Why are we resting our case here without any argument? Read on, and you'll know.

"Not having a proper social security system for women in the male-oriented society here is the cause behind the rising trend of female foeticide in Haryana. Amendment in the Hindu Marriage Act can give social security to Haryana's women and it may turn out to be a landmark move in changing the  orthodox mentality of people towards girls. The Sarva khap panchayat is firm on its demand to seek an amendment to the Hindu Marriage Act to make same-gotra and same-village marriages illegal. It will also take the initiative to create awareness about the fallouts of such marriages," said Hardeep Singh, a khap representative.

"People kill their daughters out of fear that one day, they might elope with men of the same gotra. The minds of the younger generation have been corrupted by an obscene and vulgar culture. Our youngsters have forgotten the rich values and customs of our society," said Baljit Malik of Gathwala khap.

Explaining the difficulties faced by society due to such alliances, Abhay Singh of Antil khap said, "Our daughters go above us and marry the neighbour. Due to law and the police, we cannot do anything to them. If they start living in our neighbour's house after marriage, tomorrow, they will ask for property as well. And if we do not give them their share, they will move court."

And, surprise, surprise. Who knew that these results would find a supporter in the supposedly youthful politico, Naveen Jindal? "My family and I have always respected the society's traditions, customs, beliefs and culture," said Jindal, extending full support to the khaps' demand of changing the Hindu Marriage Act.

No phone, no jeans: no rape
Now, didn't your parents warn you about wasting your time on the phone when you should be studying? Well, the khaps too are saying the same, but they have a different agenda here. ( Yes, there are bigger things in life than you scoring 95%) "We should pay more attention to where our girls are going. A mobile phone is like a disease. It should be banned," says Ranvir Singh, head of the Dahiya khap. That's his solution to the increasing number of rapes in Haryana, apart from, "We should stop our girls from wearing jeans."

The jean therapy was endorsed by heads of other khaps, who said the garment ban was necessary to prevent young couples in their villages from eloping.

BSP MP Rajpal Saini also saw full logic behind the mobile view. "What I am saying is that students should not be given mobile phones. It is the age to study, and mobile phones are a distraction. Due to mobiles, they lose their way and do not focus on studies. Why do housewives and school-going girls need mobiles? It encourages them to make futile small talk and get connected with people outside their homes." And since when do housewives need to 'focus on studies'? And why do 'school-going' boys don't? Go figure.

Rape is consensual. Whaaaat???!
"I don't feel any hesitation in saying that 90% of girls want to have sex intentionally, but they don't know that they'll be gangraped further, as they find some lusty and perverted people in the way. The girl has an affair with the boy, and she goes with him without knowing that he is of a criminal mindset," Congress party leader Dharamvir said, adding, "It's not the state government which is responsible for rapes." Now, the law that defines rape as any act of sexual intercourse that is forced on a person, needs changing too.

Conclusion
The study proves that junk food, jeans, mobile phones, the Hindu Marriage Act, and the victim - they're all responsible for a woman getting raped, not the man who can't keep it in his pants. Of course, you'd have to be as juvenile as the party who commissioned the study and declared the findings with aplomb, to buy it. Which, incidentally, also makes us laugh because the 'juvenile' party here essentially consists of village 'elders'. If only they'd act their age and not their shoe size. And get a life.
 

Daily musings - Beauty parlour

Being a girl, trips to beauty parlours are inevitable. Beauty services in UK are sooooo costly. I mean, if you go by the rates here and compare them to what you get back in India, you'll feel, you are being robbed here. £7 for just eyebrows. If you convert that into rupees, its 70 rupees for just, simple eyebrows. Don't get me talking about other services. It breaks my heart. Probably because I'm new to UK and I'm still in the conversion mode. I keep converting pounds into rupees in my mind, and there lies my misery I guess.
Anyways, I think it will take me some time to 'just be' in the pounds mode. So, I've found this really nice parlour, right in the town centre, close to my house, and its run by Asians. The owner is a Pakistani and the workers are Marathis, Sikhs and North Indians. I am really glad that I found them, mainly because of three reasons. 1) Being there gives me a sense of home. I can converse with the staff in Hindi. 2) The services are relatively cheaper, so I get good quality at decent price and 3) They play awesome Hindi songs - from Punjabi tracks to latest chartbusters and sometimes even golden classics :)
So, I went to the parlour today. For the usual stuff, you know. And as I was waiting for my turn, an African lady walked in. She started chatting with the owner, asking her all sorts of questions like - When did you open this parlour? Where are you from? How many people work here? What nationality are your employees and so on. The owner, not wanting to appear rude to her customer, answered each and every query, the best she could.
On being told that she (the owner) was a Pakistani and her employees were Indians, the African lady looked shell shocked. "How do you all work here? Isn't it like India vs Pakistan here? I mean war-type situation," she blurted out. The owner smiled at her customer and said, "We are all brothers and sisters here. The only situation that you'll ever see here is that of love and togetherness. When I came to UK, I worked under a Sikh owner, she taught me everything that I know today, and 8 years later, she helped me open this parlour, where you are sitting today. I hope I've answered your questions. Next please." 
I just couldn't help but smile. :)

Daily musings - gym class

So, bored with normal gymming and using free weights, I decided to do a studio class - you know the classes where they teach you Zumba, Pilates, yoga etc. I though some stretching and toning would be nice, so I registered myself for this class called Stretch and Tone. Very well then, the class started and we all got down to doing what was being instructed by a kind looking elderly gentleman who asked us to stretch our body in unimaginable proportions.
So, we got down to doing some stretching exercises - legs, then arms, stomach and then back. While doing the back, he asked us to first expand and then contract our back muscles. Now, this might sound very easy, but when someone asks you to sit on all fours and expand and contract your back muscles, its a lil difficult to comprehend what and how he actually wants us to do that. So, the instructor explained and demonstrated how it was to be done. And we all did what he asked us to.
But there was one girl who couldn't follow the technique and how it was to be done. The instructor explained it again and then again, but she just couldn't get it and then.... she started crying.
The instructor got so worried, thinking he might have said or done something. So he asked, "You alright? What's wrong?" The girl didn't stop crying. She kept sitting on all fours and kept crying. Finally she said, "I am not very good with directions and instructions."   
Wonder what triggered the outburst? I felt like giving her a big hug.

Daily notes - the beginning

Have been thinking of writing something daily just to give way to my observations and keep the writer in me alive. Have to admit, job search in a new country can be a real pain in the ass and to be honest, I've been at it for the last 4 months now, and all that I've got back is - either no response or something called polite declining. So I get a mail saying, 'We have gone through your resume but we are sorry to inform you that we won't be taking your application further, as we have received other applications that suit our position better. Better luck with your job search.'

Alright. So there are people who are better at every job position that I've applied for... Fair enough. But I refuse to believe that I don't deserve a chance, so I keep trying and I will keep trying until someone hires me.

Now this hiring thing is not to prove a point. Its just to earn money, because let's face it... No matter how good you think you are... No matter how many awards you gathered in your school, college or even at previous work places, you need money to keep going.. To live your dreams... To live the life you deserve and to make ends meet.

It is also a self confidence booster... As it shows that someone cares about your work or what you think you can do. Anyways, everyone has a different opinion on calculating his or her own self worth. Mine is a lil screwed up right now... As you can judge by my post here... Its all over the place, a lil confusing and most people might think its just jibber jabber.

This is just a start.. I guess I'm now finally going back to the original theme of my blog - The voice in my head. :)
 

To Dad, with love

'Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad', said Anne Geddes, the famous professional photographer. On the occasion of Father’s Day. Suruchi Sharma tries to reflect upon the special bond between the father and child

“Like a friend you are always there by my side,
Guiding me how to take life in each stride.
And now when I look back At the years when I was small,
I fantasise how you taught me to crawl,
Holding my hands and making me walk
And now after so many years
You are always there to talk...”

This is what comes to my mind when I think about my father. Father’s day may sound like yet another western import on the lines of Valentine’s Day that many just brush aside owing to its commercialised value. Yet the day holds immense importance. It makes us reflect on the gentle, caring, loving yet an authoritative figure, which we just take for granted.

The connection between a child and his or her father is unique from other relationships. It is even more special than the bond we share with our mothers. We all tend to shower our love on our mother, often forgetting the irreplaceable role the opposite sex plays in our lives. He is the one who spends hours working, but tucks you in at night and scares off the boogie men from the closet. The one who holds the seat of your bike when you are trying to learn to ride, who bowls 50 thousand balls to you so that you can hit the winning runs. The person who is there consoling you when you strike out. How can one forget the carefree childhood days, when you craved for his attention as and when he walked through the door at the end of a long day! How great is the feeling of jumping right into his strong grip and wrapping arms around his neck. To lie on floor and play games, those shrieks of joy, after winning the game.

Freud rightly described this feeling of protection and security when he said, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.” Such is the significance of a father’s presence that the difference he makes in the life of a child can determine the difference he will make in the life of a whole community.

They say that a father is someone who replaces the currency in his wallet with the snapshots of his kids. Well, even grown ups can vouch for that as hardly anyone can deny chanting 'Dad I want this' everytime something caught his/her fancy. A father is supposed to know our choices, our tastes, our most wanted lists and our favourite flavours. He is not supposed to return from travel empty handed and he is not allowed to miss the weekend outings. Thankfully, Father's Day brings us an occasion to say that we too know his choices and likes.
The concept of celebrating Father's Day is very new in India. However, it is remarkable to note that the idea of observing a day in honour of fathers has been appreciated by Indians to a large extent. Today, millions of people in India observe Father's Day by expressing gratitude for their father or men who are like father.

It is true that a day is not enough to thank your father for being that someone special, but Father’s day is an occasion to make him feel special and tell him how much he means to you. So brace yourself and make this day special for him. Prepare a wish list of things he likes. Shop together, watch movies or play games together, write a poem. But most importantly give him a tight hug. He needs that more than anything else in this whole wide world.

Happy Father’s day Dad.

One festival different celebration

Akshaya Tritiya, the day dedicated for good deeds and the best fortune, is considered to be one of the most auspicious days of the Vedic Calendar. It is widely celebrated in all parts of India by different sections of the society irrespective of their religious faith and social grouping.

Many people observe fasts, conduct special Pujas of Lord Vishnu, bathe in the Ganga, and make charities to ensure lasting prosperity. For the Jat farming community, this day is known as Akha Teej. The usual practice is that a male member of the family leaves for the fields with a shovel in hand in the early hours of the morning. All the animals and birds he comes across, en route, serve as omens to help predict the upcoming rains and crops. For the Jains, this day has special significance. The first Tirthankar, Bhagwan Rishabdev, broke his fasting spell of one year by taking sugarcane juice on this day. Following his example, people who observe the austerity of Varsi tap-the custom of alternative day fasting for a year-end their penance on the same day in the cool shadow of Shatrunjay hills. This day is considered to be very auspicious for going on a pilgrimage to Shatrunjay in Bhavnagar, Gujarat. This falls on the 3rd day of the bright fortnight of Vaishakh.

People in the Orria (Orissa) community also celebrate Akshaya Tritiya by buying gold ornaments and new clothes. But the festival is also significant in two other ways in Orissa. On this day, the farmers sow the seeds for the new crop. According to a Pujari of Shri Jagannath Temple, Hauz Khas, “It is an important day in the run up to the famous Rath Yatra of Lord Sri Jagannath at Puri. On this day, the logs meant for the Lords’ chariots are worshiped and the construction work of the chariots starts.”

The festival takes on a special flavour in Bengal, wherein new audit books are brought out on Akshay Tritiya after worshiping Lord Ganesh and Goddess Lakshmi. This ceremony is called the Hal Khata. Businessmen pray that their business luck thrives with the issue of these new audit books. Even the entire process of creation of the idols for Durga Puja, from the collection of clay to the ornamentation is a holy process, supervised by rites and other rituals starts from Akshaya Tritiya. “On the Hindu date of Akshaya Tritiya when the Rath Yatra is held, clay for the idols is collected from the banks of a river, preferably from the Ganges. After the required rites, the clay is transported from which the idols are fashioned.” says Sharda Nath, a Bengali homemaker.

“Some Bengali families even keep a Bhagwan Shri Satyanarayan puja at home, wherein a clay idol of Shri Satyanarayan is constructed. After the completion of rituals, sweets are distributed amonst family members and the idol is later immersed in a nearby river or sea.” she further added.

For the Maharashtrians, the third day of the Vaishak month is celebrated as Akshaya Tritiya. The day marks the end of Haldi Kumkum festival which is a get-together organised by women for women. Married women invite friends, relatives and new acquaintances to meet in an atmosphere of merriment and fun. On such occasions, the hostess distributes bangles, sweets, small novelties, flowers, betel leaves and nuts as well as coconuts. The snacks include Kairiche Panhe (raw mango juice) and Vatli Dal.

No matter how different sections of society celebrate the festival, the day is synonymous with happiness and prosperity, and people across religion give out goods and food items as ‘Daan’, as offering food to the poor is considered to be the greatest thing one can do on this day. People also make donations and give alms on the day. Umbrellas, sandals etc are also donated in some regions.

The main puja and prayers on the day is dedicated to Lord Vishnu and Goddess Lakshmi, and people visit shrines of Goddess Lakshmi, Vishnu and Lord Krishna praying for eternal peace, prosperity and good luck.